There was no sunrise this morning, but daylight has arrived. Nothing for me to watch and oh and ah over on this cloudy morning, but the darkness has disappeared and it is officially a new day. Somethings are guaranteed. A new day will dawn and life will go on…whether you are ready or not.
Life right now is…off. I want to do things, but when I do, I’m sorry I started them. If I sit and do nothing, I wish I was doing something. It is a constant feeling of being unsatisfied. The Market this past weekend helped, and it didn’t. (See what I mean?) It was good to work and feel useful, and in the same sense I hated acting like everything was ok…back to normal. So many people came to buy the DONATE LIFE Bracelets, now THAT made me happy. My TRIBE, those random, crazy people who somehow became a 2nd family to me, THEY make me happy. The Lindsay M. Benton Cheer Fund makes me so happy, seeing people from all walks of life take time out of their day to mail their hard earned money to a Fund that is so important to my family truly makes my heart feel good. I have faith in humanity again, through the simple kindness of others. I cannot ever truly thank the people who have held my hand through this…and the cool part is, I don’t have to, they know, they don’t need recognition.
I told someone yesterday I have learned what to do and not to do when someone suffers a tragedy. First, show up. Let the person know that you are there for them. Second, leave. Don’t overstay your welcome, the truth is there is nothing you can do…hug them, tell them your sorry and go home. Third, stay in the background. Pop in and out, send a text, be ready to show up when their family has to head home or go back to work and last, keep in touch, touch base weekly or monthly or whatever…just keep in touch, don’t expect a reply every time and don’t take anything personal, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. (That last one is REALLY important especially as time goes on because it will get worse before it gets better.)
Each day is a new day, daylight will come and life will go on…be patient with me while I figure it all out and be ready to grab my hand and help me jump back on when I’m ready…and NO I have no idea when I will be ready. One day at a time has never been more meaningful to me. It’s hard to mourn and heal when you are so worried about everyone around you mourning and healing…this young ladies life and death was a tidal wave. The ripples crated by this wave go beyond depths of lives lived 5 x’s longer. My heart aches, literally, anyone who suffers a great loss knows that pain, it doesn’t go away you just learn to live with it. I’m trying…bear with me.